The Bad News - Stage 4

On Friday the 13th I got the bad news.  My oncologist called 4x on his cell, and he's never called on his cell before.  I knew this couldn't be good.  The results of my abdomen CT showed numerous tumor cells throughout my liver.  That explained the pulled muscle feeling I had just below my rib cage.  And the spot I felt above my hairline looked like it could be cancer too.  At that time he didn't have the results of the chest CT, since then that has come back with a couple ~3mm nodules on my right lung.  The spots on my lungs and bones would have been pre/early cancer and easier to spot treat, but my liver is the main area of concern.  After that our conversation was about treatments and options, but honestly it was a blur.  I had just skied 4x in one week, how could I be Stage 4?  Are the survival rates that bad with triple negative that I won't get to see my boys grow up?  What will poor Gary do?  My head was spinning.

I met with the oncologist at the next available appointment to figure out what's next after I had time to absorb the news.  Now that the cancer has metastasized to my liver and possibly bones and lungs, I will be going back on chemo.  He suspects the tumors are triple negative given that was what was in my lymph nodes and scheduled me for a liver biopsy to confirm.  The results of the biopsy will also be used to determine if I qualify for a clinical trial at MGH.  In essence I would receive the same chemo, but with the addition of a antibody designed to trigger an immune response to a marker in the cancer cells.  If I qualify for the trial my treatments will be more frequent and in Boston so a bit harder logistically, certainly in the winter.  I had the liver biopsy earlier this week, still waiting on the results.  Wouldn't that be cool if it wasn't cancer at all?  (A girl can hope) I also had a bone scan which thankfully confirmed only the spot above my hairline and potentially a couple other spots on the skull, too early to tell, but nothing elsewhere.

With the change in diagnosis I used some frequent flyer miles to take a quick trip for just me and Gary to Florida to try and clear our heads.  It was warm, and everyone was excited about the NFL playoffs, and a little pool time was just what I needed to get my thoughts together.  This is not a death sentence, my fight will just take a little longer.

Timing what it is sometimes, there was a 9 day docu-series called The Truth About Cancer based on the best selling book that we watched every night this past week.  This had a lot of good information about cutting edge research and procedures in the fight against cancer.  My biggest takeaways were how juicing, supplements, nutrition, and detoxification can help boost the immune system and give your body the best chance of healing whether in chemo or not.  After watching this series I scheduled an appointment with a natural health center.  I'm also doing research on the Hope 4 Cancer clinics that offer advanced non-invasive therapies that may supplement chemo and give me a better chance of killing this cancer for good.

At this point some days I feel better than others. On bad days I have a tight cramping pain my abdomen, sometimes on the left, sometimes on the right, which subsides with a couple of Advil.  Sleeping can be hard too, I no longer can sleep on my left side due to the pain.  On good days I've slept well, get in some moderate exercise, and forget I'm in this cancer nightmare.  And I always have the smiles of my 3 boys to lift my spirits.

We continue to receive an outpouring of support from our friends and family, you truly are amazing and I have no idea how we'll ever repay you.  Thank you for everything, couldn't do this without you!